Okay--I only have about two more weeks until we are off to Iowa and possibly a whole new adventure. I find myself avoiding the very things I know I need to do; e-mail prospective schools, complete my portfolio, research the different cultures and societies. Instead, I am wasting as much time as possible by checking postsecrets.com, reading the various blogs I have suddenly become addicted to, and finishing up one of the many baby blankets I have to knit.
And yet....
I really am optimistic about this possibility for D and me. I feel like no matter what happens, whether we go overseas or not, something wonderful is going to come out of this. Maybe it will give us the courage to go seek jobs and a life in Boston, Portland, or New York. Maybe it will give me the courage to find what I am really passionate about and go after it, knowing that where we are now, nice as it is, is not a glass box I have to spend the rest of my life in. I think whatever comes out of this exploration, will be good for us and our relationship.
And it is good for my relationship with God. I've never really stepped out on a limb before, never really tested the waters of what could be. I've always played it relatively safe, making sure a support system is always within arms' reach. I think that the last two years, with our growing relationships within our small group, my relationship with my family growing stronger and deeper, and our own relationship growing richer and more complex, has helped to prepare D and I to take this leap of faith and to not be afraid of what we can't see. For once, I really do feel that I have given God complete control of this situation and that D and I are following His lead. It's scary, exhilarating, fascinating, and peaceful.